Spotting Subtle Signs Of Self-Sabotage In Your Life
In a perfect world, we would not be engaging in any activities that do us harm, but sometimes that is not the case. Self-sabotaging behaviors can be very subtle, so it is important for us to notice the warning signs that we may not be showing ourselves the love we truly deserve. Our beliefs about ourselves tend to correlate with our self-sabotaging behaviors. A few core beliefs that may be negatively impacting us are:
1. “This is all my fault.”
2. “I deserve bad things to happen to me.”
3. “I need to be in control of everything.”
4. “I am not in control of anything in my life.”
5. “There is no hope, so why even try?”
When we tell ourselves any of these five things, we are almost setting ourselves up for lowered self-esteem, depressive symptoms, and not living up to our fullest potential. It’s so easy for us to engage in this way of speaking to ourselves, especially if it was taught to us. If we were to completely fault ourselves for a situation, we are forgetting about the other variables that may have been involved.
Maybe there are lessons to be learned, but nothing is entirely our fault, and that mindset does not help us in our journey to self-compassion. Having the mindset that we are deserving of bad things happening to us is also not helpful, because we are not taking into account that accidents happen and that we are all human.
The next two statements on that list involve needing to be in control of everything or not feeling in control of anything. This can cause us to feel hopeless or discouraged very quickly, because it is true that there are situations that happen that are completely out of our control. However, in any situation, we have control over how we respond, which in turn can assist us in feeling a bit more hopeful.
Speaking of hope, the last statement of the five about feeling as if there is no hope can be detrimental to our mental health, because hope and gratitude is always a stance that we are able to take in any given situation. It is true that life can be very unpredictable, but there is also freedom in that statement. We are free to say whatever we would like to ourselves and those around us, so why not say things that lift our spirits, increase our self-esteem, and decrease our feelings of hopelessness?
So, the next time you catch yourself saying any of those five things to yourself, take a step back and think about what you would say to your best friend, your mother, your children, or anyone else you care deeply about. You deserve to show yourself that love, too.