Why No Is Such a Powerful Word

No.

It may be hard to believe at times, but that is a full sentence. When we say “no”, it does not need to be followed up with anything else. In fact, research has shown that when we use the word no more often, we can actually shift the way that our brain reacts and we tend to honor ourselves and our decisions.

Our inability to say no seems to come from an internal struggle between what we want and our need to cater, or foster a relationship. We may fear that someone will not want to be our friend anymore or that they may be disappointed in us if we say no to them. We may be either trying to accommodate (which creates a false, short-term sense of peace) or avoid (not prioritizing our power or genuine relations) when we say yes while wanting to actually say no.

Ury (2007) states: “Being able to say no may enable you to be more honest and authentic with others. You may be less likely to feel taken advantage of, and people may learn to come to you for the things to which you are more inclined to say yes. People may learn to respect your yes rather than take it for granted, you may find that your resources are allocated more appropriately, and your connection to, and communication with, others may be healthier as well.”

In other words, when we are saying yes to someone when we actually would like to say no, we are being more genuine to ourselves and to our relationships. In the short term, it may bring up a little bit more discomfort, but in the long run, we may end up feeling more empowered within ourselves and in the relationship. Others will also learn our boundaries and our authentic selves if we honor when we would like to say yes or no. In tandem, respect is gained in this process and the other person may be inspired to set healthy boundaries with you or others in the future.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting to say no, embrace it. Think about how you can honor yourself while also honoring the other person involved. Notice how that feels. Notice the empowerment and relief you may feel from that one simple word.