Who Should Come to Couple’s Therapy?
Couples break up who go to therapy…Only couples with “real” problems go to couple’s therapy…My partner just wants to go to couple’s therapy so they can complain about me..Our issues aren’t “bad enough” to go to couple’s therapy…We don’t need a therapist to tell us what to do…
As a therapist who specializes in couple’s therapy, I’ve heard them all. One major barrier to couples getting the support that they need to strengthen their relationship is that they are unsure if getting into therapy is the right next step. Who then should come to couple’s therapy? The short answer is that any couple at any stage of their relationship could find major benefits. Relationships and those in them are always changing, which can call for at different times the need to attend couple’s therapy sessions.
A couple at the early stage of their relationship would be able to use therapy as a safe place to talk through topics such as, expectations, boundaries, navigating first arguments, communication skills, family planning, engagement or marriage, moving in together, differences in culture, religion or upbringing. A couple during a major life transition or breach of trust/betrayal may seek out therapy to be able to process the rupture in their relationship, rebuild trust, renegotiate boundaries, have facilitated conflict, or learn how to de-escalate arguments. A couple later in their relationship would possibly be a good fit for therapy to work on intimacy issues, long standing resentments, larger family dynamics, financial decisions, parenting/co-parenting, or understanding and reworking their relationship dynamic.
Couple’s therapy is a safe space for partners to be able to have an unbiased and trained third party assist them in examining their relationship dynamic and guide them in exploring means of improvement. Couple’s therapy is NOT a place where the therapist decides who is “right” or “wrong.” Couple’s therapy is NOT a place where the therapist takes one partner’s side and gangs up on the other partner. Couple’s therapy is NOT a place to continue cycles of abuse or violence.
If you or your partner are interested or curious about the idea of starting couple’s therapy, a good first step is to discuss together your expectations and goals for attending therapy together. With a general agreement, you can start to research into which couple’s therapist would be a good fit for you both and the relationship.